9 days spent.. 9 days rewarded.. 9 days of memories.. 88.8km of kayaking covered.. storms braved.. friendship forged.. ppl bonded.. the total package? priceless
Washington.. it used to simply remind me where the white house is.. and the first american president.. now its more than that.. it is an identity.. a sense of belonging.. 16names.. engraved in its milestone as that of 901/07 - 01..

yup.. so i might be a week overdue for this update.. nope.. dun expect any photos though.. didn bring my camera along.. gotta wait for the other side to send it to me.. =)
anyways.. u cant really expect me to rmb everything that happened day by day right.. so i guess i'll just rant my feelings about it.. =)
strangers we were once.. quiet random personality i portrayed.. initially.. i have no idea as to why i did that anyways.. so weird for me to be quiet.. juz feels wrong.. either ways.. getting to know everyone wasn't as hard as it seems.. everytime we got a chance.. we just start to play ice breaking games.. forming a circle at any place without prompting as if it was the right thing to do.. *guess its an effect of being in too many camps* and it started.. with trust fall.. in a muddy field.. lol.. so much for bringing my shoes.. getting it dirty on the first day.. sadness.. haha.. kayaking soon came into play as the intructors taught as the know how in their bandits as we kayaked out in the.. zzz.. fiber-glass double seater's.. nv thought i would have to sit in it again..no matter.. it was fun i guess.. haha.. my partner was yingzhen.. a first time kayaker but headstrong and never gives up... =) just the qualities needed to compensate the lack of experience! guess i'm lucky! she came with me on the first day of the Sea Expedition.. the one day where everything went wrong for everyone.. sadly.. the current was against us.. the wind too.. and we tread milled for 4 miles.. crazy shit.. me and yingzhen managed somehow to reach the yellow buoy.. the last destination b4 the rescue began due to nightfall.. we were the first of 5 kayaks to reach there.. and i'm really proud of it.. and of yingzhen also.. cuz i became sea sick for a while b4 the final stretch and she carried on paddling.. thx girl! rescue was anything but beautiful i would say... some of those being rescued were separated as the line snapped.. some were towed beside the mother-boat with cold waves splashing at them.. i could only stand by and watch from the mother-boat and regret having my kayak pulled up onto the boat which would have allowed more to come on board.. sigh..i felt so helpless..
i'm not sure if the sky pitied us.. but i tink it did... the sky was cloudless and decorated with a score of stars.. Washington didn bother pitching up tents that night.. we juz laid on the ground and gazed at the stars till we slept..
2nd day of sea-ex i partnered with jalene as she had some issues with her original partner.. and so we kayaked to batam from the yatch club.. =) and we beached up on the wrong beach.. wtf.. lol..
3rd day was comm service which me and 9 others led.. we visited a school which we were supposedly meant to teach but ended up fooling around.. lol.. we also "reno" an orphanage..
4th day was the journey back and i was the Nav for that day which i aimed to kayak back to OBS.. having only 2 hours of sleep.. i entered in and out of lala land.. the expedition also did so with me as i went off course a few times cuz i snoozed off.. gosh.. so sorry guys.. the attempt failed and we were forced to beach up on changi beach due to bad weather.. it was a freaking storm.. worse then the first day of sea ex.. argh.. we went back on the last day.. to OBS..
i shall update more on the details soon..
gotta rush out some reports.. till. then.. hopefully by friday.. haha.. =)


Washington 901/07-01 [alphabetical order]
calvin
daryl
jalene
gabriel (bobo)
huishan
kenneth
liying
norwin
patrick
rezza
siao chi
shu qin
wenyu
yingfang
yingzhen
zhan yuan


memories forged.. never forgotten.. =)

(10:45 PM)

it's always been a game of hide and seek.. the torment of being a seeker as u scrutinize every single corner to find your objective.. when u do.. its a moment of elation and jubilation.. but most of the time u are simply wandering around.. no solid destination, no concrete mindset, simply just trying to get things right.. such is my case..
something happened recently.. a sign perhaps? of something better.. of a new me.. again.. over the years.. i've been adjusting myself to fit in.. and my pride has always gotten in the way.. it's alright being proud i guess.. but i tink i'm way over the top on that personality.. ppl have pointed it out to me once again.. i guess that takes the cake.. its about time i really reflect on this.. be more humble kenneth.. u gotta. stop being someone u know u aint.. just be someone u are.. what u always have been..
OBS is coming round.. juz 1 more day of urban life for me b4 i set off for a place away from here.. a place cut off from everything else.. a place where i can truly reflect and just be myself.. in a camp with everyone else.. for 9 days.. i wonder what it will be like.. i guess it will be fun.. i gotta be more self-conscious.. not to show off so much.. juz be well.. less loud for once.. =)
either ways.. i juz needed to say this out.. so as to serve as a vague reminder to myself what i want to do.. this aint some random rambling.. heck no..
Lord above.. help me with this daunting task..

(2:01 PM)

PW is over.. i guess i should be happy about that right? or is this smile simply a facade..
i try to smile.. every now and any other random then.. momentary jubilation i would call it.. sad moments and guilt tend to have a longer lasting impact on u.. its a cruel fact of life..
how true it is..
it was during the night cycle.. my bike was having some problems so i ended up moving to the back of the group.. the rest went ahead.. i caught up with liying and she had this terrified look on her face.. her eyes told of lost and anxiety.. complexion told of insecurity and fear.. she relied on me to lead the way.. fearing she might have gone astray.. i tried my best to console her and reassure her.. but experience in this i severely lack.. her tone became more scared.. i could tell she was holding back tears.. i knew i was on the right, somewhat i guessed.. i wanted to be doubly sure so i stopped and pondered.. that was when liying almost broke down.. she asked.. well more of a desperate request for me to call to ensure we are where i thought we are.. we found the way in the end.. a sense of relief calmed me.. i asked if she was alright.. her reply.. obviously was she was.. but her tone didn seem right.. i felt guilt.. guilt that i made her worry.. that i made her fear.. made her insecure.. what am i.. a 17year old male.. not even able to provide her a sense of security she needed at that moment.. logical reasoning would tell me that its not my fault as i was not familiar with the place.. that i do not have photographic memory.. but still i felt this overwhelming sense of guilt and that it was my fault..
everyone was on the floor going to sleep and already snoozing when we reached.. i headed for the beach and just sat there.. i didn tink anyone really noticed.. or at least i thought no one did.. i just sat there as i hear the wave lapped.. eyes scanning past the darken horizon.. a dark blue picture of pulau ubin.. i sat there and prayed.. i talked to him.. and i sang.. it calmed me.. i felt him.. i wonder just how long was it since i actually did this for so long.. i was there for almost 20min.. it was that long..
Wee Liang noticed my absence.. i lied saying i just went to the beach to stone and space out.. maybe it was true.. but more accurately i was pouring my heart out to someone i knew was willing to hear me..
Liying.. it doesen really matter if u dun read this.. i just want u to know.. i'm sorry for what i've done and for what i was not able to accomplish..
残念
유감스러운
抱歉
traurig
i probably wont talk and tink abt this anymore.. but i know it will be lock in my memory.. for those who know.. dun bring it up k? i feel bad enough as it is.. =(

(8:02 PM)