its been one heck of a week.. exams.. exams.. and well juz exams!
we entered this arena of darkness, not knowing if we will make it to see the light.. battered but living.. or never to see and live in darkness for eternity..
we gave it all we got.. vomited out literally everything we memorized.. messed up our brains as we did those sums.
we saw it yesterday..that light.. it shines of sirius.. a glimmer of what's to come.. we juz have to embrace it..
now what remains is for us to know our fate.. will we promote? will ODAC move on as one as we wanted to.. will 310 and 309 be folded into one as the rumours says? all these at the moment remain unclear.. i cant tell the future.. i can only prepare for what's to come.. if i do promote.. is it really a good thing for me? i guess well.. nah.. i'll just have to go through with it.. 1 more year..

ANYWAYS.. promos are over.. so why talk abt it! lol.. i had fun celebrating the end of promos with the 103ppl.. i really duno what will happen to me had i not known them.. my life would pretty much be a living hell.. i probably have lost my motivation to study.. the decision to drop to poly might have become extremely tempting..
we had lunch at white sands before heading playing basketball in one of the HDB estates near me and bobo house.. they all then came over to my place to juz chill.. playing xbox mainly Halo3 and FIFA if u muz know.. singing along with the guitar.. using my comp..
to be able to just show who i am.. what i am.. my own personality so freely and not be restrained by anything cuz u juz know some ppl dun appreciate it.. cuz they are just in conflict with the way you tink and do stuff.. to be always in wanting to find fault in everything u do.. i thought i could remedy it by open house.. but that's just a far cry.. some things are just way beyond repair..
4days remain before i have to return back to sch again.. haha.. and its practically for open hse and PW..
here's what's to come for me..
Sat - CA and BACK TO CHURCH!! =)
Sun - Nothing as of Yet
Mon - CA, Zoo's children's day celebration and ODAC
Tues - ODAC outing

bzbzbz.. haha. =)

(7:09 PM)

Teardrops on my Guitar - Taylor Swift

Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see
That I want and I'm needing everything that we should be
I'll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about
And she's got everything that I have to live without

Drew talks to me, I laugh cause it's so damn funny
That I can't even see anyone when he's with me
He says he's so in love, he's finally got it right,
I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night

[Chorus:]

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do

Drew walks by me, can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly,
The kind of flawless I wish I could be
She'd better hold him tight, give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky cause

[Repeat Chorus]

So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down and maybe
Get some sleep tonight

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do
He's the time taken up, but there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into..

Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see.

(3:21 PM)

don't think many know this.. don't think many will even notice my missing presence in school.. i took green form twice in a week. once for headache on tues which i had since morn.. another cuz of suspected fever on thurs. i went to the polyclinic for a checkup and of cuz to get MC that thurs.. doc said i was okay and only suffering from throat inflammation, gave me MC for that day only and i woke up the very next day feeling real terrible..
"stupid doc said i was okay.. my body crashed the very next day.." damn right of me to put this on my MSN nick..
i had to drag my body out of my bed despite the cramp i had in my stomach and the headache pounding on my poor brain.. i had no appetite for breakfast hence didn eat anything.. heck.. i didn eat anything for that day at all.. luckily dad woke up early and sent me to school to submit the stupid EoM.. then fetched me back home again.. u may think its such a nice feeling to be sleeping in the whole day.. yes and no i guess.. it rox when u wake up and feel so refreshed but i felt worse as the headache persisted.. the whole day was wasted.. a valuable day for revision gone down the drain.. i'm starting to panic.. this despite the preparation i made for promos and the hours i spent revising through my work.. sigh.. i juz hope i can resist the pain and continue to slog through the day shoving in tons and tons of info into this already congested brain of mine..
for those who asked how was i feeling.. i thank you.. at least i know i matter in your hearts.. this year is basically a screw up for me.. literally.. i feel so dejected.. friends i have a plenty.. true friends i wonder.. i know there are some in MJ.. but scattered among the ranks of students.. sigh.. i sometimes wish i could turn back time.. to make amends for the things which i supposedly did wrong.. to win back favour of those who casted me out..
i really gotta start being so emo..
really gotta start conc..
and this headache had better get away from me..
its been hounding me for the past 4days already.. gosh..

(12:14 PM)

Since history began, the Chinese always believed in the significance
of one's name. They have developed a very comprehensive system of
naming one's children as it is believed that the name of a person
strongly influences one's destiny and fate. Astrologers, fortune
tellers, academics and monks are consulted when choosing a name for
the new born. The other cultures, however do not really believe in it
and tend to brush it off as superstition. Whether you believe it or
not, however, the other cultures are not spared of this correlation.
For example, the Chinese surname LEE (or LI) is associated with power
and success such as Lee Kuan Yew, Lee Teng Hui (former Taiwan
President), Li Peng ( China's ex PM), Li Ka Shing (HK tycoon) and LEE
Iacocca - once Chrysler's chief, and Lee Van Cliff, the actor.

One very good example is Lee Iacocca, whose first name IACOCCA stands for:

I
Am
Chairman
Of
Chrysler
Corporation
America

Coincidence? ..........

Look at the following familiar examples:

MAHATHIR ( Malaysia's PM):

My
Assets
Halved
After
The
Hit
In
Ringgit

SUHARTO (Ex president of Indonesia)

Should
U
Have
Additional
Rupiahs,
Throw
Out!

BUSH (American President) :

Beat
Up
Saddam
Hussein !

CLINTON:

Call
Lewinsky,
I
Need
The
Oral
Now !

However, no one can beat this latest casualty in bad naming
OSAMA:

Oh
Shit,
American
Missiles
Again!!!


(3:01 PM)

Life and its Pains
There is no life without its share of pain,
Nor can you love and not feel agony,
A need whose hunger drives you near insane,
A state in which you must, but cannot be.

There is no cure, nor anything to say,
Nor any aspirin for unhappiness.
Other friends and loves will come your way
And then pass on through death or faithlessness.

And so if you would ever dwell in joy,
You must embrace the agony of sorrow.
Time will all you love and need destroy,
But you will heal to love again tomorrow.


I thought u Hung the Moon.
When I was young,
I thought you hung the moon.
You cast your pleasures through my open heart
And lit my darkness.
Then you moved away,
And my world lost its music.
All I'd known
Drifted off like ashes,
And the moon shone madly,
As if there were no truth by day.
Now we've found each other,
And the harsh moonlight of the time when you were gone
Has once again the ambiance of your art.



The Road Ahead..
The road ahead is like the road behind.
The dreams achieved revise the dreams to come.
Mind shapes world, and new-shaped world shapes mind,
As what you are steps back from what you've done.

The deeper you resides in its own space,
Sheltered like a yolk from wind and tide,
Filled with unimaginable grace
To wander through the paradise inside.

Ambitious girl! Become what dream you will,
And sail across each dark, forbidding sea.
Within, the fawn will graze sweet meadows still,
Untouched by all the phantoms you will be.

(11:56 AM)

i cant really bring myself to believe it.. i am actually on course on finishing on what i planned out to accomplish this holidays and promo revision packages are literally being done just as quickly.. this really brings back the days of how i mugged for O lvls.. precisely 1 year ago. the times i spent in NLB with heng and gang, juz sitting there and scrutinizing those textbooks and doing sums after sums of math..
but only this time the venue changed.. MJ now has its own study room, and the company whom i study with also changed.. we could spend the whole day simply studying *joking at times of cuz* and then complete the day with a meal at a jap restaurant.. that is truly life.. well at least for a JC student haha.. studyin with geri, gen, JB, kenneth lai and jezer that wednesday was really productive for me, not sure about the rest though but i know i completed econs that day, every last chapter of it.. gen and i also exchanged jacket that day, the reason rather dumb though.. her jacket brand was Fox Men, so i thought it may look nice on me though a little small, and then i told her where i got my Nike jacket from and she wanted to wear it haha.. so ya lor.. her jacket was kinda small, but sexy! haha.. my black adidas jersey i wore kinda helped lengthen it without anyone noticing much.. lol.. so it turned out quite nice.. NEWSFLASH.. i need a new jacket.. haha.. Geri commented that we looked very much like a couple.. *scandal?* of cuz not.. but i tink we LOOK.. look only ar.. cuz we were sharing earphones and listening to music from my phone also.. so maybe that's why.. haha
Gen couldn't join us for dinner cuz her mum cooked claypot rice and she can't miss it.. maybe it is that nice.. so went off supposedly to Sakae to makan.. but then no buffet at that outlet sadness.. so we went to Nihon Mura at tamp swimming complex there.. the one Gen recommended.. when i told Gen abt it via sms.. the replies are just hilarious..

Ken: nothing beats a Jap dinner.. =)
Gen: Tryin to make me jealous? (: nothing beats claypot rice!
Ken: Lol! sakae was a no go.. Cuz no buffet at the outlet.. so now at the one u reco one.. Apparently i ate here b4! =)
Gen: -_- I WANT!!!! If it was Nihon Mura i would have told my mum to da bao my claypot rice!!! OMG! The Unagi!!! Why!!! Why must u do this to me!!!
Ken: We didn't know! sorry.. =(
Gen: Lol!!! Whose bright idea was it to msg me to torture me? Ahh! I can hear e unagi calling out to me! Eat me!
Ken: You're just hearing my beef bowl sizzling.. And the egg cooking in it..
Gen: Kenneth Yau!!! I can punch u through the phone ah. Ahh!!!
Ken: ha ha.. Eh! Try i wanna see!
Gen: Hiah. Nvm. Shall not resort to violence. Mus maintain my Shu nv image. Lol
Ken: Shu nv? wad that
Gen: Someone's chinese a bit good ah (: 淑女, Lol.
Ken: Sorry lah.. My chinese really cmi wad
Gen: Lol. It's okay la. 我强顶都在不同领域. Lol i took super long to type the chinese.
Ken: haha.. took me sometime to understand it also!
Gen: (: enjoy your dinner then, funny guy
Ken: =) u too gen.. dunno wad to call you.. lol

haha.. those are fun days!
who says u cant have fun and be academically productive at the same time!.. haha.. =)
*gen.. dun kill me for putting up the sms hor.. =)

(10:27 AM)

(8:36 PM)

(10:14 PM)

the holidays have finally dawned upon us.. those sweet sensations of sleeping late and waking up just as late returns for us to savor it all.. most importantly i can finally take my mind off so many things.. and juz hang out with those i can truly associate with.. the once familiar laughter fills the air once more and i find myself cracking jokes more often now.. a complete step aside from the mundane life i am living during class time.. not that i can't click with em.. juz that things happened along the way which hurt me and caused me to withdraw.. that aside.. promos is coming.. biology is done.. chem is almost done and will be as of tml.. revision on math and econs will be on the way as of wednesday that taking i am to stick and follow the schedule i planned for myself..
i have found many who i can stdy with over the holidays.. people who are more than glad to go out and study.. and most importantly reward ourselves with food after the long day.. they share the same sense of humour.. and always never take it to heart when being the butt of the jokes.. even if it meant being racist.. i admire the tolerance level, something which i have but always seemed to be exploited tinking that they can make fun of me but not vice versa.. that really sucks.. probably where things started to plunge.. but who am i to judge really.. the reason cant be that shallow.. there's gotta be something much deeper than i tink.. i muz evaluate and find out what that really is.. since they refuse to let out a hint to what it is..
but really.. such things can wait.. this aint really top priority.. what is is the preparation for the all important and dreaded promos..

i had fun with the 103ppl today.. going over to varun's place and chilling there.. playing pool, Halo, singing songs with the guitar to accompany.. it was pure fun.. but the thing about the pool table was that its meant for snooker.. meaning the pockets have rounded sides and not angular like those at shops.. so we cant simply just aim straight but rather use just the appropriate strength to ensure the ball dosen bounce out.. it happened to me so many a times.. sigh.. o well.. even playing Halo was hard to adapt.. the console was Xbox.. and not 360.. so the interface of the controller was different and had to do some getting use to.. so many a times i threw a grenade by mistake.. meleeing instead of crouching[ok maybe this is due to too much call of duty]..
we had dinner at simpang bedok juz now.. i tink we were really that hungry cuz we literally juz called any random dishes and juz ate it all! i had to order seperately though as i had to monitor my cash.. running low on it.. sigh.. but the thosai and paper prata was in bar enough.. super filling and too sweet man.. to top it up, bandung was exceptionally sweet.. too much syrup i tink.. lol..

how i wish i could stay in this wonderland for eternity.. reliving the same day over and over.. not having to tink of what's happening back in reality..
but i guess i cant.. this is life.. i choose this path.. and i really tink i made a wrong choice in sub combi and not applying for 4H2 PCME.. could have been with u guys and simply crap all day and night long! life is cruel.. always is and forever will be.. i just gotta face it and overcome it.. every obstacle i face which does not put me down, only makes me stronger in mind and any other aspect..
God be with me through this tormenting time and help me go through this as u have been with me these past term.. helping me along the way and slowly build the way back to what it was.. maybe not as good, i never expect that.. but even half of what it was.. is good enough.. i cant stand this anymore.. the thought of going through it without any friends to take my mind off it or to share it with.. is just unimaginable.. i know u'll be with me.. in spirit and mind.. as i walk this path, not alone but together with you, the road may be long, the valley so deep and the ocean so wide, but i know u'll be there to make it all possible for in you i can do all things and accomplish the impossible! thank you lord!

(9:36 PM)