(11:43 PM)

(11:29 PM)

it's been 1 hell of a rollercoaster ride.. things haven't been looking up for me since the start of this term.. and now as the term comes to an abrupt halt with the 1 week holidays in sight. i begin to wonder how did i exactly survive this excruciating ordeal.
everything plummeted from day 1, i ain't able to converse with em as easily as i could before, cracking a simple joke seemed hard, even smiling was difficult. i found myself frowning more and more with each passing day, the light at the end of the tunnel never in sight. a definite extrovert became an introvert all of a sudden. the change too fast and i found hard to adapt.
nevertheless.. the light seems to be getting brighter now.. i really hope so and pray its not juz a torch someone is carrying and walking my other direction, to fade away into the darkness once more. i can't possibly take another blow.
my efforts of wanting to get back to what i was is hampered by something or someone. i'm not sure, but i'm guessing its the upcoming promotional exam.. which of cuz i hope to pass and be promoted.. rumour has it that half of 309 and 310 will be retained and will be folded into 1 class.. i have no idea who came up with this funny idea, do they really have no faith that we will not be able to make it and not be up to their standards? such discrimination and undermining of us is really something no one can tolerate, i agree we may not perform AS well as the other classes above us but that does not mean that we will not be able to meet the min criteria set for us. looking back, how many of the current J2s actually made the initial cut? wasn't there a compromise in the end?
1month left and the clock is ticking.. PW and SPA adds on to the pressure for time, ever piling extra lessons is but a routine to us now.. sigh..
i want this to end, or at least give us a breather.. a long fresh one..
juz 1 more month to pull through.. i muz hang in there, even without them time moves on, i cant afford to be pondering over such trivial matters, time hopefully as what many says can heal most things. i hope its true for my case.. i'm crossing my fingers..

(9:48 PM)

its 8 august.. the usual mentality would be to ransack ur wardrobe at find the nicest combi of red and white u can get from the pile of clothes u have.. which usually works out to be my Man Utd Jersey and jeans[no it aint white but u tink i care?] for me. this year however, was different..
when everyone else will be wearing red white or blue[Mj uniform], we MJ ODAC will be dressed in Orange! yea man! orange totally rox! U Garang enuf to wear it with these words emblazoned on it?
even so, no one would be there to see us wear it till we leave the college, sad ain't it.. either ways.. i reached school with bobo at 6 to do some last minute packing and to aid with the logistics stuff me and justin had to deal with. my bag became so heavy with all the additional stuff added into it including 6 1.5l bottles and a 3l water bag. which equates to 12kg of weight in pure liquid alone.. gosh.. its madness.
managed to catch up with the flag party along the way to the bus which awaited our departure.. song leng, eugene, hakim all dressed smartly in their UG uniform. i missed those days where i saluted with the rest of the unit during the observance ceremony. this would be the first i missed. yea.. its sad right.. haha..

the bus ride to tuas and eventually to Belumut is well at best well entertained.. haha.. indian poker was still on the agenda and playing it with the SSS was really fun! haha.. old times reminisced, but we didn really managed to scoop up much scandals this time round, possibly cause we don't know them well enough yet, unlike when we ODAC went up ourselves.. the trip from tuas to belumut was spent primarily actually entirely on bridging.. haha.. Mr Eric joined in too and we happily taught him but he soon stopped as he had motion sickness i think. Liying then joined us, and each and every hand she got, was either filled with in-bar cards or got paired up with someone who has in-bar cards.. gay sia.. think she lost only once throughout the whole journey..


(10:10 AM)

i've fallen from the skies,
my wings injured,
its once beautiful elegance now tainted with blood .
we used to soar together among the clouds,
as one entity never seeming to fall apart.
i was struck one day,
by an unknown object,
it pierced through me,
i felt it rip my flesh,
the pain searing through my muscles.
i took a vertical fall from the skies,
spiraling through the air,
my efforts in vain to get my wings to flap again.
i landed on my back,
i swore i heard a bone crack.
i was motionless,
eyes staring at the sky above,
the clouds lofted by and a group of shadows floated past the horizon.
i realised,
it was all a set-up,
it's been planned since we took to the skies with our new found wings.
i laid there in the open field,
through days and nights,
people passed not caring to help.
tears weld up in my eyes,
i took it all within me,
compromising on my personality:
extrovert to introvert.
even so,
i saw that shadow going in circles,
it got smaller with each revolution.
i didn realize till the wind whispered to me.
more had fallen from their grace,
left behind in the lurch,
preyed upon by a single being.
i nv do listen to these whispers,
they tend to play tricks on you from time to time,
as if its spirits were bored from simply channeling its energy from point to point.
but it soon came to light,
some flew back to help me back on my feet,
giving me advice on how i should live life.
i aint sure about it initially,
but its necessary i guess.
i now find solace among the trees and grass,
staring out at how the birds play around,
making merry and enjoying life.
even so,
lies might have deluded my mind.
i long to be back up in the skies,
my heart ready to forgive,
would he come forth and admit,
or simply continue to live his life as it is,
one of tyranny and criticism.
problems are meant to be solved,
not spotted and thrown to one corner,
that's avoiding nothing more.
One has stepped up,
another walking the talk.
i thank her for being the one to enlighten me of my ways,
i thank her for initiating the change in me.
i thank the wilder beasts for being my companions through this times.
i thank the trees for lending me their canopy for shelter,
their barks for rest,
their stumps for me to convey my sorrows.
its never easy to stand back on one's feet after such a fall,
painful as it is,
it must be done,
the process will not be easy,
to learn how to fly among the others again,
but it must be done.
being on ground is but a temporary solution,
rectification must be sought,
ending this chapter must be swift.

but now as i lay in this open field,
the wind rustles among the trees,
the grass sway gracefully and delicately.
i stand my ground,
resilience is my middle name,
i shall rise from the ashes,
i will withstand another blow if need be,
and i overcome it with sheer grit and nerves.

"the more improbable the situation and the greater the demands made on, the more sweetly the blood flows later in release from all that tension. The possibility of danger serves merely to sharpen his awareness and control. And perhaps this is the rationale for all risky sports."

this applies even to areas of non-sports. and i live by it.

(8:01 PM)