i feel my priorities are all wrong.. i'm focusing a whole lot on CIP stuff and neglecting my studies which i most certainly hope i'm not.. i'm thinking on what i have done wrong rather than how i can improve on it.. i'm thinking about if i am not bonded enough with the class.. i undertake so many roles that the stress is nearly killing me.. i willingly pay up first without checking my pocket first.. o man..
at least i know one thing.. being withdrawn from the CSSP camp organised by heartware.. i joined the Bay Ambassador which is also organised by them.. so i hope that can clear my debt.. not that i wanted to withdraw.. we were withdrawn by the school when they learnt of our involvement.. sigh..
i'm not entirely sure what is happening to me.. church seems to have taken a step back in my priorities.. not that i want to but rather the activities which i am engaged in forced me to do so.. my cell grp leader thinks otherwise.. she thinks that i am backsliding and making up excuses to miss cell grp and service.. these are the 2 things which i will want to miss most! somehow that message never did get across to her.. plus.. my academics comes first above everything else.. i do not care what u say abt my passion towards GOD.. it is always there, burning and shining bright amid the thunderstorm.. u will not question it.. but now that u have.. i am hurt.. a dagger stabbed into my heart of faith.. such incidents should never happen.. maybe u didn mean it.. but it sounded very much like it.. here's an example..
i have been missing svc and cell grp the past 2 weeks due to my extremely packed schedules which i am unable to take an early leave.. and when a cell grp outreach BBQ at ECP comes.. and i cannot attend as i have something on the next day early in the morning.. my CGL sends me the sms in reply to mine.. "its ok.. u go ahead with your school stuff.. we'll have fun"..
it is obviously implying that i should come for the outreach even if it meant i have to become a zombie the next day and possibly collaspe on the floor due to the lack of rest.. sigh.. i really do not know what to say..
now i have undertaken a new CIP project under my shoulders which would mean my saturdays would have to be sacrificed and church be compromised as all of its trainings are saturday based.. i wonder what will u say then.. or maybe what my CGL will say when he return from his break.. i do not know.. but i hope he is more understanding.. i may not be in church.. but i will shine for GOD in other areas.. in the marketplace as i make an impact in other people's life.. isnt that what pastor kong have longed told us to do? i am carrying that statement out in reality and u seem to be disagreeing with what i do.. my gosh..

My studies will always come second.. followed by CCA and CIP.. SERVICE will always be first.. never doubt that.. i never did.. i try my utmost to attend it.. even to the disagreement of my parents.. only that u do not know.. of cuz u dont.. u never did ask now have you.. i dont know what to say now..
MARK my words.. i will attend EMERGE.. this despite the fact i would most likely be shagged by my m'sia mountain climbing trip.. i will attend.. u cannot doubt me then.. fire me with the questions and doubts u have about me then.. i will reply with the fiery of passion from within my heart.. that u can be assured.. that taking that u will actually ask me..

(12:20 AM)