the moment i had waited all day with much nervousness had finally arrived.. Ms Si.. marched into the class, her hand holding a list of paper which i know will either spurr me on or simply drop me to rock bottom.. there was however.. something to her facial expression that did not seem right at all.. the expression which i found extremely familiar; a long face with disappointment and heartbrokeness embeded on it.. she stared at us and we stared back.. there was a moment of eerie silence.. i could hear my heart beating wildly as Ms Si stood up and drew on the whiteboard a box.. with all the possible grades from A1 to F9..
she reprimanded us for our arrogance and prideful attitide towards the subject, scoling us that we think we can still achieve the best with minimal effort.. my train of thoughts ran wild.. did we do badly? did we fair below her expectations way below? she wrote down B3-11 B4-6 C5-8 D7-0 E8-0.. we heaved a huge sigh of relief but there were still 16 more ppl who were yet to placed in their respective groups.. she hovered about the Distinction box.. her frown transformed into a bright smile and wrote 14!! the class erupted with cheers and shouting of victory.. then she mentioned Jeannette and Rhys asking where they think they belong to.. the C6 or F9 category.. we were all taken aback..
F9-0 C6-2.. another round of cries filled the classroom.. the atmosphere liven up and a great amount of anxiety was taken away from within us.. this was certainly Deja Vu, it reminded me of the time when i was attending the SANA course at Singapore Poly.. the time when the intructor released the results of our final test.. using the very same tactic as mentioned above.. or rather.. similar to it..
she read out our names individually.. in register number.. something which i always hated..i had to endure the feeling of anxiety once more and it sat on my heart with added weight..my heart palpitated as my name was called.. Lih Ren.. Oral Merit.. Overall B4.. i didnt react immediately.. time froze.. i swore a cacophony of voices was trying to tell me what had just happened.. whether i should be happy or sad about it..eventually i slumped my head onto the table and just shouted silently.. my mind was in a wreck... my emotions caught in a turmoil of chaos.. ensure of how to react to this result.. but everything is cleared up now.. i will retake the exam once more at the end of the year.. and i will attain at least a B3.. whichever the case.. PRAISE THE LORD FOR THIS RESULT!! did i mention i have always been a C or D student for chinese? well thats the past now.. YEAH!

(7:32 PM)