a wake up call.. that is exactly wad i am hearing aft looking at my a math results.. just one day aft taking that test... reality has finally struck.. F9.. the red mark... its going to be reflected onto my report card.. though not on the report book.. it is bad enough..
when i got the results.. i was stunned.. i scanned through and counted the marks.. it is a fact of life.. i have failed the paper.. and i hold it in my hands just over 1 day after doing it.. thoughts went through my mind.. wad went wrong.. i wasnt thinking what my parents were going to do to me.. i was most afraid of them preventing me from going to church.. i could forgo EVERYTHING! except that..
i just had a heart to heart talk with my mum.. "i've done enough" "no problem..." "im prepared for the common tests".. she highlighted these out to me.. words that came out from my mouth.. not hers not my dad but mine.. the consequence of this results? church is now so far away.. i wont be able to worship in the house of god for some time.. probably up to 3months till my mid yr are over.. it is all worth it? to be complacent.. arrogant.. and live on only to suffer this? actions have consequences.. and i accept that..
the fact that Os looms so super close to us.. the fact that i have done so little to prepare myself for it.. they are the actions i choose to take.. i was given freedom.. i abused it and now i have none.. i am controlled by my father.. though it is not confirmed.. i know it will turn out this way.. for this is the important year.. flunking this yr would be enough to sign my death warrant..
after thinking through.. i should accpet this.. maybe.. no.. not maybe.. i must.. this will help me in the long road ahead..
CCA..study groups..ALL STOP! from now on.. i will concentrate fully on my Os..
and if i prove to myself i have done it.. then maybe i would take a breather and catch a movie.. but thats later.. for now.. my books are my best friends..


(7:14 PM)