sometimes it really hits me.. do people understand the way i think? the way i feel? the way i prefer to get things done? my way of doing stuff? or simply understand me as a whole.. maybe one or 2 but i doubt my parents know it..recently i lost my calculator... and i seriously suspect someone stole it for some sick reason which i do not intend to dwell into it.. either ways i bought a new one and told my parents about this incident.. naturally they were furious that i lost my calculator and spent $20 to get a new one.. i mean who will not.. then they threw this statement at me.. we as your parents seem to be more upset over this matter then you do.. it really hits me.. they feel more upset over it?
do they even know how bad i feel to lose that calculator that i had more 3 years? do they even know it? just because i do not express it on the outside it means i do not feel any sense of remourse what so ever?? does it really work that way?i have been their son for close to 16 years and yet they do not know how i express myself? do they not know i am the kind who do not express my inner feelings in public? as hardy i may appear on the outside.. as sociable i may be.. do they not know the feelings i have locked deep within my heart? the hurt i feel in the lowest levels of my heart?? the feelings that i locked away somewhere in my heart never wanting to feel that way again? do they not know that?? i am seriously disappointed in them right now..

after pondering over this.. i turn to my next point? do my friends know how much hurt they cause me when they play those pranks? not know how much it hurts me to see people make fun of my surname? i would have taken out a knife and stabbed that person if i had my way.. and for your info.. i carry a swiss knife everywhere i go.. i just dun use it often... it has been weeks now since that incident which caused some people to be filled with hatred towards me.. 3 of them in fact.. no names now but at least i know 2 of them have moved on.. leaving only one to bear that grudge towards me, as if it is my fault that they got into trouble.. then let me get it straight...
it never was my fault never is never will.. choices have consequences and apparently u have chosen the one which beared "drastic" ones.. and now that u have fallen into it.. u blame me? for what? doing whats right? r u sure? i dunno abt you but i sincerely hope u change for the better..for your own good.. not for me or others but for yourself...
please knock some sense into your head and change.. dun persue those childish thoughts u harbor in your head.. even if u think its just out of fun u take ppl wallets to see.. do u not know how much insecurity we feel? when u play a simple prank.. do u not know the hurt we feel though we do not express it? please do some soulsearching yea?

(10:33 PM)